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sperrywink_ljTitle: THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME IS YOU
Fandom: Bandom (My Chemical Romance)
Pairing: Frank Iero/Mikey Way
Rating: PG-13
Word Count ~7,250
Author Notes: Thanks to![[personal profile]](https://s.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lucifuge5 for bidding on me for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
helpsomalia. I didn't know I had another Bandom story in me to love so much. Thanks to Terri for the alpha reading and to akamine_chan for her time and effort, even though I didn't use her notes. All errors are mine.
Summary: Tired of the homophobic music scene, Frank finds a different passion to pursue in life and becomes a librarian. MCR forms without him. Frank, being Frank, still manages to influence Mikey and the growth of the band.
This Book Is Overdue!: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All (P.S.) by Marilyn Johnson
Frank didn’t tell people often, but he had become a librarian because of Parker Posey. He couldn’t help it if Jamia had made him watch “Party Girl” at a crucial juncture in his life. His band had just broken up, he was about to graduate college, he was high too much, and he had no direction. He was Parker Posey’s character, essentially. And if becoming a librarian had worked for her, maybe it would work for him as well.
And it had. He had fallen in love with it by the time he left graduate school with a degree in Library Sciences. He loved being the conduit to a broader world for kids and adults and carrying on the tradition of access to books for the poor. Hell, reading really was fucking fundamental and Frank was proud to be a part of that.
He even loved his little library nestled in downtown Maplewood, New Jersey. Situated right on the main drag, there were plenty of restaurants, the post office, and even a movie theater within walking distance. It was close enough to home to see his parents often, but far enough away to give him his own life and a new circle of friends who weren’t out partying every night. He did miss playing music, but that was a dull ache, and the bright smiles of his patrons dimmed it even further every day.
And what other job could he get where he didn’t have to be at work until ten in the morning? It wasn’t like rock star was a realistic expectation. Besides, he had gotten tired of the homophobic music scene. It was hard enough being gay normally; he didn’t need the music scene’s hypocrisy added to it. Library sciences were a lot more welcoming.
The Music Lesson: A Spiritual Search for Growth Through Music by Victor Wooten
At the cough behind him, Frank turned from the books he was shelving with a smile on his face. One thing he had learned early was that patrons didn’t like surly librarians, even if the librarian had been up half the night re-watching the Friday the Thirteenth movies as part of his pre-birthday celebration. There was a guy about his age standing with his hands shoved in his pockets and his knees awkwardly angled in. He was cute, but dressed as he was in tight black jeans and a ripped Anthrax t-shirt and with a Misfits haircut, he looked like he belonged in Frank’s old world of clubs and smoky bars, not the library. He also looked like he knew it and was ready to bolt at any minute. Still, after biting his lip for a tense moment, he finally mumbled, “The librarian at the desk said you could help me?”
Frank dusted his hands on his jeans and said, “I’m actually the librarian, that’s my assistant Miss Gideon. But, yes, I’d love to help. What are you looking for?”
Now the cutest blush in existence spread across the guy’s cheeks. Frank smiled, but tried to contain his delight. He didn’t want to flirt outright and scare the guy off; he looked like he would run out at any minute. Frank was charmed nonetheless. Shuffling his feet, the guy pushed his glasses up and finally said, “I’m looking for a book on learning bass?”
Tapping his fingers against his lips, nonchalantly noticing the way the guy’s gaze zoned on his lips; Frank started walking to the music section. “I know we have some books and video cassettes on learning regular guitar, but I don’t think we have a bass manual. You might try the video store, with video you can see the fret and finger placement more easily.”
The guy had been nodding along with Frank’s explanation, but grimaced at the mention of the video store. Frank raised his eyebrow and the guy sheepishly said, “I work at the video store. I know we don’t have anything for bass either, just the guitar.”
Combing through the music section, Frank shook his head. “There’s no tutorial here and I know we don’t have that in video. I can look into doing an inter-library loan to see if one of our sister libraries has one. Let’s go to my desk and I’ll do a search.” As he stood up, his gaze fell on a book he had read a couple months ago. Picking it up, he tucked it into the crook of his arm and led the way back to his desk. He nodded at the smiling, gray-haired Miss Gideon as they passed the circulation desk. She was beaming at them like they were her grandkids. Miss Gideon was such a romantic (he knew she snuck romance novels during her lunch break) and ever since learning he was gay had been hoping to find him a guy. It looked like this guy was her latest attempt.
The guy was quiet while they were near Miss Gideon , but as Frank sat down and booted up his computer, the guy said, “That would be awesome, man. Really.”
To make conversation while they waited for the computer, Frank asked, “Are you in a band?”
The guy slumped into the chair by Frank’s desk and his knee started bouncing. “Kind of? My brother is starting a band with his friend Ray and I’d love to be a part of it.”
Wondering if the music scene was still as small as he remembered, Frank asked, “Ray who?”
“What?”
“I know a Ray who plays guitar; I was wondering if it was the same guy.”
“Oh. Ray Toro.”
Frank sat back, impressed. “You brother got Ray Toro to join his band? That’s awesome, dude. Ray shreds.”
“You know Ray?” The guy perked up and smiled at him. Frank took a second to blink and marvel at how stunning the guy looked when he smiled so unreservedly.
“Just as a nodding acquaintance,” Frank said.
“Still, small world.”
“That’s New Jersey for you.” Distracted, Frank clicked through a couple screens and said, “So it looks like the Newark library has both a book and video cassette tutorial for bass. I’ll order them and they should be here in two to three days.”
“That’s perfect, thank you so much.”
Frank could feel a blush tainting his cheeks, but he acted as if it wasn’t happening. Maybe if he was lucky his complexion would hide it. “That’s why I’m here. Speaking of which, I saw this book while we were searching for the tutorial. It’s all about being a conduit for the music and not letting your ego get in the way. I think you’ll find it helpful.”
Frank handed the guy the book he had picked up earlier. They guy took it, reading the cover and then the back. “Hey, this guy is a bass player!”
“I said you would find it useful,” Frank said with a grin.
The guy stood up awkwardly and Frank got the idea he didn’t want to leave. “I guess I’ll check out now.”
“Sounds good. Let me know how the reading goes. I learned a lot about playing guitar organically from it. I really do think it will help you learn the bass.”
“Thanks; I will. By the way, my name’s Mikey.” Mikey held out his hand for a handshake.
Frank shook hands with Mikey and said, “I’m Frank and it was my pleasure. I love helping people.”
Mikey smiled shyly at him and then started towards Miss Gideon at the checkout desk. Frank watched him go, thinking about music and Mikey and Ray fucking Toro. He would have thought having his two worlds collide like this would unsettle him, but he was remarkably sanguine. He realized he was too happy with his job and his life to feel anything but nostalgia for being a rockstar. Oh, he might go home and play his guitar loud, but that would be all he would need to do to get rid of any unsettled feelings Mikey brought up. It was a good feeling.
Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman
The next time Mikey came into the library, Frank was all too familiar with his face and his music. My Chemical Romance had hit the New Jersey music scene like a bomb and they were in heavy rotation on the radio stations Frank listened to. After finding out his last name, Frank had looked up Mikey’s library history and noticed that he mostly took out graphic novels. Miss Gideon was a little surprised when Frank began ordering more of them, but she didn’t seem to catch onto why, luckily.
Mikey made a beeline for him, and with a small smile and an awkward hand movement, said, “Hi, Frank. I’m looking for a book to waste time on a plane? We’re going to be traveling overseas.” Frank was kind of surprised that Mikey remembered his name, but he figured maybe Mikey was one of those people who never forgot a face.
Getting up from his desk, Frank smiled and said, “I’ve seen that those bass videos have worked out for you. Congratulations.”
A slight blush spread across Mikey’s cheeks and he ducked his head. He ran a hand across the back of his neck and sheepishly said, “Yeah, yeah, they did. Thanks for that, by the way. They were totally my bible for a couple months.”
“Hey, it’s my job. I was glad to help. Anyway, I‘ve heard your songs. You sound great. I really like “Headfirst for Halos” the best.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.” Mikey was rocking on his heels, smiling. He seemed a little embarrassed, but still thrilled. Frank could understand. It was a magical feeling having your music out there. Although his bands never made it big, he remembered the feeling of talking with a fan. And, huh. He guessed that was just what he was nowadays, a fan. It was odd to consider, but maybe not that unwelcome. He still loved music, just not all the politics of the music business and scene. Being just a fan was a lot easier in some respects.
Pondering what would be good plane reading; Frank started casing the shelves to see if anything struck his fancy. Over his shoulder he said, “And you know, you’re not supposed to take library books out of the state.”
“Well, I guess I can always go and buy the book you recommend. But I figure you would have a better idea than the bookstore clerks. They don’t know jack. I should know, I used to be one.”
“I thought you worked at the video store?”
Mikey beamed at him and Frank realized it was kind of weird to remember a small detail like that considering the prior conversation had happened months ago. Still, he couldn’t take back his words now and at least Mikey seemed pleased that Frank had remembered. Mikey said, “I worked at the bookstore before the video store.”
“You really got around, huh?” Frank didn’t realize what that sounded like until it left his mouth. Luckily Mikey laughed and winked at him. Kind of. His eye at least twitched as he smiled. Frank figured it was close enough.
“I have had a string of sucky, dead-end jobs.”
Frank replied, “Luckily, bass player is working out much better,” but he was a little distracted. His mind was still riffing off Mikey’s wish to waste time. He made his way to the fiction shelves, and picked up a small, slim volume with a dark cover and handed it to Mikey. “It doesn’t look like much, but it’s full of really engaging and thought-provoking vignettes. I figure that kind of format will work when traveling where you are interrupted a lot.”
Taking the book, Mikey flipped it back to front to check it out. “It seems really short.”
“Like I said, it’s the type of book where you savor each part and reflect on them.” Playing it casual, Frank asked, “But, what else do you like to read?” The graphic novel section had expanded from one row to four rows and Frank was eager to show Mikey. He just didn’t want it to appear like he had ordered what he thought Mikey would like.
Acting bashful, Mikey said, “Graphic novels, I guess. I’ve never been much of a reader, sorry to say.”
Frank said, “But you’re reading now, that’s all that matters. I have the second volume of Hellsing and the latest Hellblazer.” He bent over to pull the volumes from the bottom shelf, catching Mikey checking out his ass on the way up. He smirked and Mikey blushed, but Frank didn’t push it. He wasn’t interested in casual sex anymore, he wanted something serious, but he suspected that Mikey’s new life didn’t allow for anything more. Besides, one glance at Frank’s admittedly nice ass wasn’t exactly indicative of anything more than appreciation. Mikey was probably meeting celebrities. He didn’t need a librarian from Jersey.
Frank handed the novels over and Mikey put the three volumes into the crook of his elbow. He said, “Awesome! Thanks again. You’re my go-to guy. You’ve helped a lot.”
Now it was Frank’s turn for his face to flush. Trying to ignore the warmth at Mikey’s words, Frank patted Mikey’s shoulder and pushed him towards the circulation desk. “Patrons like you make the job fun. You can only hunt up the latest Nora Ephron so many times before you want to strangle someone.”
Mikey’s smile dimmed a bit and his glance went to the floor as he said, “Of course. Right. Books. That’s why I’m here.”
Tugging the books out of Mikey’s arms, Frank began checking them out. Nodding and biting his lip, Mikey took his books and hesitated at the counter. Wondering what Mikey was thinking, Frank said, “So, enjoy your trip and have fun playing.”
“Thanks. I will.” With one last look, Mikey headed out of the library and once he was out of sight, Frank banged his head on the counter. He muttered, “You are such a loser.” Sighing, he straightened up and looked around. No one seemed to have noticed his little breakdown, luckily.
He couldn’t help it if he always liked the unattainable ones.
P.S. Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood
Mikey continued to frequent the library; coming in as often as his schedule allowed. Frank knew this because he was becoming a creepy stalker who bookmarked the internet sites that detailed My Chemical Romance’s touring and recording schedule. He would feel worse about that, but Mikey seemed to look for Frank whenever he stopped by, and Frank hoped that meant that Mikey liked him as much as Frank liked Mikey. Or at least enough to be Frank’s friend.
Since the graphic novel section was still Mikey’s favorite, Frank ordered more and more, even when Mikey hadn’t been in for a while. They would have nice, long discussions about the literary worth of graphic novels versus more traditional fiction when Mikey stopped by to pick up the latest that Frank had ordered. Frank was forced to admit that expanding the graphic novel section of the library did increase the number of younger patrons who used the library and who he then could entice into reading regular books.
Once they started headlining their shows, Mikey gave him free tickets to their local concert in New Jersey. Frank had a blast; My Chemical Romance was quickly becoming one of his favorite bands. It was too bad how obviously Mikey was struggling with the crowds that My Chemical Romance was now attracting; Frank knew stage fright when he saw it, but Frank didn’t know of any cure or book to help with it. He congratulated Mikey after the show, but he had to leave before he could meet the other guys. He had to open the library in the morning and couldn’t stay out until all hours any more.
One day after a long absence, Mikey came into the library looking haggard and Frank wondered if he had finally snapped under the pressure. Months had passed, it wouldn’t be uncommon. Mikey shuffled around looking aged and worn thin. Feeling an unfamiliar pull, Frank went to Miss Gideon and said, “Watch the place for me? I’m taking my break.”
She gave a knowing look in Mikey’s direction, but simply nodded sympathetically.
Frank approached Mikey who was staring at the stacks looking lost. He asked, “What are you looking for today, Mikey?”
Mikey started at the sound of Frank’s voice, but then offered a tired smile. “Gerard is restless. I was hoping to find a book to take his mind off things.”
Seeing this as the perfect lead-in, Frank took hold of Mikey’s elbow and started leading him towards the door. “Join me for ice cream and you can tell me all about what Gerard likes.”
Mikey dragged his feet for a couple steps, but then he shrugged and let Frank escort him to the ice cream parlor that was half a block from the library. It was a small place with just two little round tables and four chairs, but it was mid-morning during the week so the place was empty except for the clerk.
Frank ordered rocky road with rainbow sprinkles and didn’t even mind when Mikey smiled behind his hand when the confection with glistening, rainbow-hued jimmies was handed to him. Mikey hemmed and hawed for long minutes and Frank wondered if he was too stressed to even choose ice cream. Mikey had never deliberated this way over books. Finally he ordered vanilla with chocolate sauce and now it was Frank’s turn to laugh.
Mikey said, “It’s a classic!”
Jostling Mikey with his elbow, Frank replied, “Yeah and it took you five minutes to default to it.”
Mikey scoffed but it turned into a hum of approval as he took the first spoonful of his sundae.
They sat down at one of the little tables by the window and Frank decided to start with the obvious, hoping to make Mikey relax by sticking to general topics. “What does Gerard like?”
Mikey took a big swallow of his ice cream and then swirled the spoon in what was left in his cup. “Well, music, obviously, but there’s nothing new out that he doesn’t already have.”
“You mentioned he was an artist?”
“Yeah, he does awesome comics. He’s been drawing since he was a little kid. I thought of getting him materials for that, but I would pick the wrong stuff. I wouldn’t even know where to start in an art store.”
“Thus, the library and me.” Frank nodded in understanding and took a heaping spoonful of his ice cream while he thought. After swallowing, he asked, “Does he like art books?”
“I guess.”
“I know a book has recently been published about painters of the American desert that looks good and I just bought a book on Japanese prints for the library that he might find interesting.”
Mikey grimaced. “Nothing to do with Japan right now, please.”
Curious, but knowing he had to tread lightly, Frank said, “Sounds like there is a story there.”
Mikey swirled his ice cream harder and stared intently at it. Finally he said quietly, “Gerard almost died. He just lost it on the plane to Japan. If Brian hadn’t been there for him, I don’t know what would have happened. He’s clean now, but it’s a struggle for him. He’s restless, as I said.”
Frank nodded while his heart went out to Mikey. Unable to hold back any longer, Frank asked, “And how are you holding up?”
Smiling self-deprecatingly, Mikey said, “I’m a little restless too.”
“So maybe we can find a book for you too.”
“Nothing serious. I’m really not in the mood. And nothing sappy-happy. I’ve been through too much.”
Now it was Frank’s turn to think. He scraped the last of his ice cream from the bottom of his cup and thought through all the fiction he had that was uplifting, but realistic. It was when he thought that Mikey probably needed to laugh more, that the perfect book came to him. He beamed at Mikey, who raised an eyebrow at the look.
“I have the perfect recommendation. It’s an older book, but it really taps into what a rough time feels like without being maudlin or preachy. It’s a comedy, even.”
“That does sound good. But what about Gerard?”
“He must like more than music and comics. What else can you think of? Does he like cooking?”
Mikey laughed. “Gerard is so not a cook. I guess, well maybe, ponchos. He also likes ponchos.”
It was a struggle, but Frank kept a straight face. “Ponchos, really?”
Shrugging, Mikey fondly said, “He’s a bit of an oddball.” It was obvious Mikey thought that was the best thing in the universe.
All Frank could picture were the patterned ponchos that his grandmother would knit for her grandkids. Frank had avoided them like the plague, but that thought gave him a brilliant, funny idea. “How about a book about learning to knit? All the hipsters are doing it these days.”
Mikey looked skeptical. “We’re not really the hipster type.”
“Yeah that’s why it would make him laugh.”
Now Mikey looked thoughtful. Frank grinned at him; he knew he was right. Mikey quirked his lips and then they were both chuckling.
Bed, Bed, Bed by They Might Be Giants
“I’m looking for a cool kid’s book?”
At the question, Frank turned around and a smile bloomed on his face. “Mikey! Long time, no see.” Frank almost moved to hug Mikey, he was so happy to see him again, but he remembered just in time that they didn’t have that kind of relationship. Mikey was just a patron. Sort of. Frank had heard that he had moved to California; it was no surprise it had been a while since Mikey had been to the library.
Mikey’s smile was as wide as Frank’s and they just stood there grinning at each other for long seconds. Before Frank could shake off the moment, Mikey said, “Sorry. I keep meaning to come by when I’m in town, but I’m here less and less these days.”
“I had heard that My Chem had decamped for sunnier, California weather.”
Grimacing, Mikey said, “Yeah, well, bad memories and a fresh start, you know?”
Thinking about what he had heard about Mikey and Gerard’s problems through the music grapevine and celebrity magazines, Frank gave an understanding nod. “There’s nothing wrong with a change of scene.”
Mikey nodded and brushed the bangs off his forehead. “It’s been good for us.”
“I’m glad to hear it. So, kid’s books?”
“A wife of a friend of mine is expecting.”
Leading the way to the Children’s Section, over his shoulder, Frank asked, “So what does your friend like?”
“Is that important?”
Straightening up some books that had been left by the bean bag chairs, Frank explained. “Well, if their kid is normal, they will demand their parents read the same stories over and over again or watch the same shows. It would be cool if the parent could like it, at least to start.”
Mikey fiddled with his bangs and tried to brush his hair behind his ears. It was obvious he was used to his longer haircut. It was cute. Mikey said, “Huh. I never thought of it that way. Well, he’s a bass player like me.”
“So maybe something musical?”
Mikey seemed to think about it. Finally he shook his head minutely. “Well, they’re just expecting now. I don’t think they’re ready for “Bass Lessons for Kids” yet.”
“No, not like that. I have a book about bedtimes that comes with a CD. It’s pretty rocking. It’s by They Might Be Giants.” Frank started searching through the shelves of the little kid’s books but they were disorganized so he couldn’t find the book easily. Unfortunately, because of funding cuts, they had to let go of their Children’s Librarian and the section was just never organized anymore.
“They Might Be Giants? Don’t they have that song about that Asian chick? They do kid’s books?”
“Yeah, “Anna Ng.” I think this is their first kid’s book, but it’s a lot of fun and really quirky.”
“Dude, I totally believe you. They Might Be Giants are great.” And Mikey did seem thrilled with the suggestion. Frank put back the volume he was holding and went around the corner of the shelving to check the other side. Finally he saw the book and said, “Found it!”
He handed it to Mikey to check out and watched as Mikey flipped through the pages. Mikey smiled at the artwork and ran his finger over some of the images. “It’s perfect. I knew you were the person to ask.”
Not thinking, Frank replied, “Missed me, huh?” He blushed then. Mikey came to the library for advice, not to flirt with Frank. Unfortunately for Frank, it was harder to have a casual hook-up or a flirtation when one was a librarian than when one was a musician. His thing with Mikey, if one could even call it a thing, was the most romance he had, most times. But so what if Frank had missed Mikey, that didn’t mean Mikey thought about Frank at all.
Still, Mikey smiled at him and muttered something. Frank didn’t really catch it and before he could ask about it, Mikey was clearly saying, “Hey, you want to go get lunch with me?”
Grimacing, Frank said, “That would be great, but I’m alone here. I don’t even have the freedom to go get a sandwich.”
Nodding and turning away, Mikey replied, “Okay. That’s cool. I just wanted to say thank you for all your help.”
“I appreciate it. Maybe another time?” Frank knew that Mikey was just being kind, but he really wanted to go anyway. He wouldn’t delude himself that it was a date, but his circle of friends had been growing smaller and smaller as everyone married off and had kids and had less time for friendships, and it would have been nice to talk to someone his own age again. Miss Gideon was sweet and their patrons were the best, but twenty-something guys just did not frequent the library.
“Sure. That would be great.”
Mikey handed the book back to Frank. “I’ll pick up my own copy at the bookstore or maybe order it online.”
“Sounds good.”
Giving a little wave, Mikey left the library and Frank sighed.
It was about an hour later when Frank smelled the most delicious odor. It was all melted cheese and herbs and toasted bread. His stomach grumbled, but he just frowned at it. It didn’t matter if he was hungry, food wasn’t allowed in the library. He poked his head out of the stacks to reprimand the patron when he saw who it was. In surprise, he asked, “Mikey?”
Mikey waved the bag he was holding at Frank. “You mentioned you didn’t have lunch.”
Stunned, Frank’s mouth dropped. Gathering his wits, he dumbly asked, “You brought me lunch?”
“Just a sandwich. I figure you can eat while I watch out for people.”
Finally coming out of paralysis, Frank moved forward and took the bag out of Mikey’s hand. Looking inside, he saw a wrapped pickle and the wrapped sandwich. His stomach growled again and Mikey laughed. “I guess the sandwich is a hit.”
A little choked up, Frank said, “Yeah.”
“So go eat and I’ll let you know if anyone comes in.”
“Are you sure you have time for this?” Frank was so overwhelmed by the gesture that he didn’t know how to express it. He wanted to hug Mikey tightly and maybe kiss him, but they didn’t have that kind of relationship.
Mikey just nodded and gave Frank a little push towards the door that said, “Employees Only.”
Frank finally came out of his stupor and walked towards the door, shooting backwards glances at Mikey who was always shooing him to go eat. So Frank went into the break room and spilled the food out of the bag. Removing it from its parchment wrapper, he took a large bite of the pickle and groaned. It was sharp and tart and crispy and perfect. He quickly unwrapped the sandwich and checked for meat. Luckily it was just the grilled cheese and as he took a bite he wondered if he had ever mentioned to Mikey that he was a vegetarian.
Shrugging, he decided it didn’t matter as long as he got delicious food out of it. Frank wolfed through his meal, partly because he was starving and partly so he wouldn’t keep Mikey waiting.
When he popped the last bite into his mouth, he cleaned up his mess and chewed on his way back to the public rooms. He found Mikey nodding along with Mrs. Franklin, who always came in on Wednesdays for her romance novels. She was apparently explaining the plot of the latest one she had read to Mikey, who caught sight of Frank and smiled gratefully. Feeling generous, Frank sidled up and asked, “How was The Sheik’s Revenge, Mrs. Franklin?”
“Oh! Mr. Iero, it was so good! Let me tell you all about it.” She then began her story and Frank took her elbow and led her towards the armchairs so she could sit and wouldn’t get too tired. Mikey nodded at him and Frank mouthed the words, “Thank you.”
Mikey beamed at him and with a final wave headed back out. Frank was sorry they didn’t get a chance to talk, but Mrs. Franklin was a force to be reckoned with and loved the sound of her own voice.
Still, he was much more tolerant of her foibles today since he had a full stomach and the warm feeling that Mikey’s gesture left in him.
How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace: The Smart Guide to Flirting by Susan Rabin and Barbara Lagowski
It was only a couple days later when Mikey showed up again, near closing time of the library. Frank saw him immediately and got up from his desk to go say thank you. When Mikey caught sight of Frank, he smiled broadly but then put his hand in front of his mouth. Frank said, “So thank you again for the sandwich. It totally hit the spot. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.”
Mikey nodded. “I liked doing it.”
Frank asked, “So what can I get you today, Mikey? I doubt you came back on Mrs. Franklin’s recommendation of The Sheik’s Revenge.”
Mikey giggled and shook his head. He seemed nervous and was silently biting his lip before he blurted out, “Do you have any books on flirting?”
Frank laughed, but then saw that Mikey was apparently serious. Tilting his head, he asked, “Flirting, really?”
“Well, there’s this guy who I’ve been flirting with forever, but he doesn’t seem to realize it. I must be doing something wrong.”
Frank’s heart plummeted. Of course Mikey was interested in someone. He was Mikey Way: scene queen and rockstar. He started to turn away to hide his face, knowing it was showing too much, but then he noticed the intense way Mikey was staring at him and his heart sped up instead. Could he have been completely blind all this time? At a loss, Frank asked, “Mikey?”
“Okay, I know I’m not really a catch and this really isn’t the place, but would you like to go out sometime?”
There was a gasp from the side of the room and Frank and Mikey turned to see Miss Gideon whose eyes were huge and hands were clasped in front of her mouth. She blushed and coughed and turned away, but Frank wasn’t under any illusion that she wasn’t still hanging on every word. But the good thing about the interruption was that it gave Frank time to catch up with the conversation. Left to his own devices, he would have gaped at Mikey like an unattractive fish.
Reaching out to touch Mikey’s forearm, Frank gathered his thoughts. “First of all, whoever told you that you weren’t a catch was an asshole. Secondly, your visits have been the highlight of my day for years now.”
“Years? And you didn’t say anything?”
Mikey was grinning so Frank knew he wasn’t serious, but he felt the need to explain. “It was obvious you were meant for greater things than some New Jersey librarian. And, shit. You live in California. Mikey, how are we going to make this work?” Frank could hear the pleading in his voice. He hoped Mikey had an answer because Mikey asking for a book on flirting was turning out to be the best thing to happen to Frank in years and he would hate to lose it just as quickly.
“We’re taking a break before starting work on the new album. I thought I would spend it in New Jersey. See the folks and hang out, you know.”
Frank was smiling uncontrollably now, but still asked, “And after that?”
“And after that we decide what to do together.” Mikey hesitantly reached over and took Frank’s other hand in his. “Is that okay?”
“That is more than okay. That is stupendous.” Frank squeezed Mikey’s hand and shuffled closer.
Smiling shyly, Mikey said, “You still haven’t answered my question.”
“Yes. I’d love to go out with you.”
Before Mikey could respond, Miss Gideon coughed again. They turned and she said, “I can close up for you, Mr. Iero.”
Frank nodded. “Thanks, Miss Gideon. That would be helpful.” She beamed at both of them and then wiped at one eye with a handkerchief.
Mikey tugged Frank towards the door. “Do you need to get anything?” Letting go of Mikey’s hand, Frank checked his pockets for his keys and wallet, but luckily they were there. He shook his head and Mikey dragged him out of the door, happy and smiling.
They ended up going to the Indian place around the corner. The food there was delicious and it tended to be quiet mid-week, so they could talk easily. And talk they did. They easily fell into the rhythms of their previous discussions, touching on books, comics, music, and the New Jersey nightlife. For Frank, it was the perfect first date. They knew each other well enough to avoid the first date jitters, but weren’t so familiar that the stories they exchanged were stale or repeats. Mikey didn’t even know how Frank had become a librarian.
Placing his palm over his face, Frank asked, “I never told you that story?”
Mikey shook his head and leaned his chin into his cupped hand. “There’s a story?”
Frank laughed. “Well, not a long story, but a funny one.”
“Do tell,” Mikey said with a fond smile and a steady gaze at Frank.
“It all started with Jamia, my best friend. She likes chick flicks and I indulge her.”
“Don’t front. I bet you secretly love Meg Ryan.”
“Ryan Reynolds is more my style, but I’ll admit to enjoying them every now and then. Even guys can be romantic.”
With an understanding nod, Mikey said “Of course.” But he then ruined it by coughing the words “pansy” into his hand.
After kicking Mikey’s foot under the table, Frank grinned his shark-grin and replied, “I’m out and proud, what can I say.”
The humor fell from Mikey’s face and he leaned forward intently. “And I really love that about you. You’re the most inspiring person I know.”
Blinking at the conversation turn, Frank blushed lightly. At a loss, all he could think to say was, “Thanks. You’re totally my hero too. I know what you’ve dealt with over the years and you always came out stronger and better.”
Now they both blushed and turned their heads away. Mikey recovered first and said, “So, chick flicks.”
“Right! So Jamia hunts up all these old flicks and makes me watch them. I have seen way too many Meg Ryan films, but this one starred Parker Posey.”
“I have no idea who that is.”
“She was in Boston Legal? Anyway, it doesn’t matter if you know her. What is important is that she was the star of a little film called “Party Girl” which was the love affair between Parker Posey’s party girl character and becoming a librarian. Oh, there was a guy too, but that was secondary.”
“I don’t get it.”
“It’s simple. It was the end of college, I was high all the time and my band had just broken up. I always dreamed of being a rockstar, but it just wasn’t working for me. It wouldn’t gel for me the way it did for you and My Chem. Jamia made me stay in and watch movies with her and this film spoke to me. Maybe I couldn’t be a party guy all my life, but I could find something else to be passionate about, like libraries and reading and providing access to the community to those things.”
Mikey wiped a fake tear from his eyes. “That’s so moving, man.”
Frank laughed and kicked Mikey under the table again. “Shut up, you.”
They both laughed and then the conversation turned to Mikey’s string of dead-end jobs and what his dreams were when he was young. Listening to him, Frank was awash in nostalgia and also fondness. Mikey was living out not only his dreams but also Frank’s dreams, and Frank was finding he wasn’t jealous at all. In some ways he felt that if it couldn’t happen to him, he was glad it had happened for Mikey who had apparently been just as lost and confused when he was younger as Frank had been.
After dinner they walked back to their cars, their hands brushing against each other, although Frank never got up the courage to hold Mikey’s hand outright. Maybe on the second date.
At Mikey’s car, Mikey apologetically said, “So, I’m staying with my parents.”
Feeling bold, Frank crowded Mikey against the door of his car, gripping Mikey’s hips lightly. “I, on the other hand, have my own apartment.”
Mikey nuzzled his nose against Frank’s cheek. “Is that an invitation?”
“Definitely.” Unable to resist a second longer, Frank tilted his head to brush his mouth against Mikey’s. Humming in appreciation, Mikey lifted one hand to cup Frank’s jaw and opened his mouth. Taking that as an invitation, Frank let his tongue slide into Mikey’s mouth easy and slow.
They made out leisurely for long minutes, Frank rubbing circles into Mikey’s hips while Mikey’s hand was warm and solid on Frank’s face. Finally Mikey pulled back slowly, easing the kiss until they were again nuzzling each other.
Mikey said, “So, your place?” Breathless, Frank nodded. Mikey, thankfully, gave him a couple more minutes to compose himself before asking, “Should I leave my car here or follow you?”
“I have parking. You can follow me.”
Sneaking another kiss, Mikey whispered, “Cool,” against Frank’s lips. Unable to resist the invitation, Frank kissed Mikey ardently and then they were making out again.
Mikey was making these little murmuring noises that were driving Frank wild, but he tried to remember that they were standing outside and not alone in his apartment. With a long groan, Frank broke the kiss and said, “Okay. We’re going now. Before I end up going down on you here and getting us arrested.”
Biting his lip, making the lowest moaning sound possible, Mikey said, “You sweet talker, you.”
Then they were both giggling again and Frank was pushing away from Mikey. He pointed towards his car and said, “Follow me. I’ll show you sweet talking. And sweet other things.”
Mikey said, “So cheesy,” but he was grinning wide and pulling his car keys from his pocket. Frank grinned back and walked backwards for a couple steps before turning and racing to his car. He made sure Mikey was following him and then pulled into traffic. He was so excited he wanted to dance and jump and leap. He settled for turning up the radio and singing along as loudly as he could.
Frank felt like he was on the precipice of something epic. It was like “Party Girl” all over again. He felt like his life was going to change drastically, even if he didn’t know how, but it was definitely going to be for the better. He couldn’t wait.
EPILOGUE
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Frank was humming loudly. He knew he was annoying Miss Gideon, who probably wanted to stab him with her knitting needle from the way she was holding it in her fist, but he couldn’t seem to stop for more than a second. Once his attention was diverted from not humming, he would start up again. He was just too happy.
Mikey had spent the night and it had been as fantastic as Frank had imagined it to be. It wasn’t just about the sex either. It was about the connection and peace he felt when he was with Mikey. It was like calm descended deep in his chest just being in the same room as Mikey. And thinking of that got him humming again.
That was probably why he didn’t notice the patron until they were right in front of him. Jumping back in surprise he was about to chuckle and make a small comment when he saw their face clearly. Shit. It was Gerard Way.
Smoothing down his sweater, he coughed and then in a slightly squeaky voice said, “Er, hi?” He would forever blame the surprise on making him so inarticulate.
Gerard glared silently for another second before leaning forward and poking his finger into Frank’s chest. “Just because I’m in California, don’t think I’m not watching out for Mikey.”
Frank started to say, “I would never-” but Gerard interrupted him. And poked him in the chest again, which actually kind of hurt. Ouch, motherfucker.
“You may think you’re all that with your tattoos, cardigans, and your damn books, but I’m on to you.” Gerard waved wildly around as if to indicate the whole library and Frank was left gaping at him.
Trying again, Frank got out, “I’m not-” before Gerard was ranting again.
“I know Mikey can take care of himself, he’s one of the strongest people I know, but he’s really happy right now and I won’t let you ruin that. So just, beware. I have eyes on you.”
Frank waited a beat to see if Gerard was finally done. And then he waited another second just to be sure, but Gerard just crossed his arms and straightened his back, giving him a scant few inches over Frank.
Words flitted through his brain and Frank tried to find the perfect thing to say. He wanted Gerard to like him, for Mikey’s benefit. He wanted to say that he would never hurt Mikey, that he thought Mikey was amazing too, or that Mikey was the best thing to happen to him since getting his library degree. In the end, unable to express all his thoughts, he threw himself at Gerard and wrapped his arms around him. Ignoring Gerard’s squeak of surprise and flailing, Frank whispered, “I’ll take good care of him. I promise.”
And then he didn’t let go until Gerard unstiffened and began awkwardly patting him on the back, saying, “Okay, really, I believe you. You can let go now.” Frank pulled back and straightened his cardigan again. Gerard was blushing, but seemed happier. He looked around the library again, this time with more consideration. He asked, “So do you have any post-apocalypse, maybe dystopian books?”
Thinking of his own reading favorites as well as the classics like “A Clockwork Orange” and “1984” and more recent ones like “Never Let Me Go” or “Battle Royale,” Frank grinned and said, “I have the perfect book for that.”
This entry was originally posted at http://sperrywink.dreamwidth.org/130326.html.
Fandom: Bandom (My Chemical Romance)
Pairing: Frank Iero/Mikey Way
Rating: PG-13
Word Count ~7,250
Author Notes: Thanks to
lucifuge5 for bidding on me for helpsomalia. I didn't know I had another Bandom story in me to love so much. Thanks to Terri for the alpha reading and to akamine_chan for her time and effort, even though I didn't use her notes. All errors are mine.Summary: Tired of the homophobic music scene, Frank finds a different passion to pursue in life and becomes a librarian. MCR forms without him. Frank, being Frank, still manages to influence Mikey and the growth of the band.
This Book Is Overdue!: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All (P.S.) by Marilyn Johnson
Frank didn’t tell people often, but he had become a librarian because of Parker Posey. He couldn’t help it if Jamia had made him watch “Party Girl” at a crucial juncture in his life. His band had just broken up, he was about to graduate college, he was high too much, and he had no direction. He was Parker Posey’s character, essentially. And if becoming a librarian had worked for her, maybe it would work for him as well.
And it had. He had fallen in love with it by the time he left graduate school with a degree in Library Sciences. He loved being the conduit to a broader world for kids and adults and carrying on the tradition of access to books for the poor. Hell, reading really was fucking fundamental and Frank was proud to be a part of that.
He even loved his little library nestled in downtown Maplewood, New Jersey. Situated right on the main drag, there were plenty of restaurants, the post office, and even a movie theater within walking distance. It was close enough to home to see his parents often, but far enough away to give him his own life and a new circle of friends who weren’t out partying every night. He did miss playing music, but that was a dull ache, and the bright smiles of his patrons dimmed it even further every day.
And what other job could he get where he didn’t have to be at work until ten in the morning? It wasn’t like rock star was a realistic expectation. Besides, he had gotten tired of the homophobic music scene. It was hard enough being gay normally; he didn’t need the music scene’s hypocrisy added to it. Library sciences were a lot more welcoming.
The Music Lesson: A Spiritual Search for Growth Through Music by Victor Wooten
At the cough behind him, Frank turned from the books he was shelving with a smile on his face. One thing he had learned early was that patrons didn’t like surly librarians, even if the librarian had been up half the night re-watching the Friday the Thirteenth movies as part of his pre-birthday celebration. There was a guy about his age standing with his hands shoved in his pockets and his knees awkwardly angled in. He was cute, but dressed as he was in tight black jeans and a ripped Anthrax t-shirt and with a Misfits haircut, he looked like he belonged in Frank’s old world of clubs and smoky bars, not the library. He also looked like he knew it and was ready to bolt at any minute. Still, after biting his lip for a tense moment, he finally mumbled, “The librarian at the desk said you could help me?”
Frank dusted his hands on his jeans and said, “I’m actually the librarian, that’s my assistant Miss Gideon. But, yes, I’d love to help. What are you looking for?”
Now the cutest blush in existence spread across the guy’s cheeks. Frank smiled, but tried to contain his delight. He didn’t want to flirt outright and scare the guy off; he looked like he would run out at any minute. Frank was charmed nonetheless. Shuffling his feet, the guy pushed his glasses up and finally said, “I’m looking for a book on learning bass?”
Tapping his fingers against his lips, nonchalantly noticing the way the guy’s gaze zoned on his lips; Frank started walking to the music section. “I know we have some books and video cassettes on learning regular guitar, but I don’t think we have a bass manual. You might try the video store, with video you can see the fret and finger placement more easily.”
The guy had been nodding along with Frank’s explanation, but grimaced at the mention of the video store. Frank raised his eyebrow and the guy sheepishly said, “I work at the video store. I know we don’t have anything for bass either, just the guitar.”
Combing through the music section, Frank shook his head. “There’s no tutorial here and I know we don’t have that in video. I can look into doing an inter-library loan to see if one of our sister libraries has one. Let’s go to my desk and I’ll do a search.” As he stood up, his gaze fell on a book he had read a couple months ago. Picking it up, he tucked it into the crook of his arm and led the way back to his desk. He nodded at the smiling, gray-haired Miss Gideon as they passed the circulation desk. She was beaming at them like they were her grandkids. Miss Gideon was such a romantic (he knew she snuck romance novels during her lunch break) and ever since learning he was gay had been hoping to find him a guy. It looked like this guy was her latest attempt.
The guy was quiet while they were near Miss Gideon , but as Frank sat down and booted up his computer, the guy said, “That would be awesome, man. Really.”
To make conversation while they waited for the computer, Frank asked, “Are you in a band?”
The guy slumped into the chair by Frank’s desk and his knee started bouncing. “Kind of? My brother is starting a band with his friend Ray and I’d love to be a part of it.”
Wondering if the music scene was still as small as he remembered, Frank asked, “Ray who?”
“What?”
“I know a Ray who plays guitar; I was wondering if it was the same guy.”
“Oh. Ray Toro.”
Frank sat back, impressed. “You brother got Ray Toro to join his band? That’s awesome, dude. Ray shreds.”
“You know Ray?” The guy perked up and smiled at him. Frank took a second to blink and marvel at how stunning the guy looked when he smiled so unreservedly.
“Just as a nodding acquaintance,” Frank said.
“Still, small world.”
“That’s New Jersey for you.” Distracted, Frank clicked through a couple screens and said, “So it looks like the Newark library has both a book and video cassette tutorial for bass. I’ll order them and they should be here in two to three days.”
“That’s perfect, thank you so much.”
Frank could feel a blush tainting his cheeks, but he acted as if it wasn’t happening. Maybe if he was lucky his complexion would hide it. “That’s why I’m here. Speaking of which, I saw this book while we were searching for the tutorial. It’s all about being a conduit for the music and not letting your ego get in the way. I think you’ll find it helpful.”
Frank handed the guy the book he had picked up earlier. They guy took it, reading the cover and then the back. “Hey, this guy is a bass player!”
“I said you would find it useful,” Frank said with a grin.
The guy stood up awkwardly and Frank got the idea he didn’t want to leave. “I guess I’ll check out now.”
“Sounds good. Let me know how the reading goes. I learned a lot about playing guitar organically from it. I really do think it will help you learn the bass.”
“Thanks; I will. By the way, my name’s Mikey.” Mikey held out his hand for a handshake.
Frank shook hands with Mikey and said, “I’m Frank and it was my pleasure. I love helping people.”
Mikey smiled shyly at him and then started towards Miss Gideon at the checkout desk. Frank watched him go, thinking about music and Mikey and Ray fucking Toro. He would have thought having his two worlds collide like this would unsettle him, but he was remarkably sanguine. He realized he was too happy with his job and his life to feel anything but nostalgia for being a rockstar. Oh, he might go home and play his guitar loud, but that would be all he would need to do to get rid of any unsettled feelings Mikey brought up. It was a good feeling.
Einstein's Dreams by Alan Lightman
The next time Mikey came into the library, Frank was all too familiar with his face and his music. My Chemical Romance had hit the New Jersey music scene like a bomb and they were in heavy rotation on the radio stations Frank listened to. After finding out his last name, Frank had looked up Mikey’s library history and noticed that he mostly took out graphic novels. Miss Gideon was a little surprised when Frank began ordering more of them, but she didn’t seem to catch onto why, luckily.
Mikey made a beeline for him, and with a small smile and an awkward hand movement, said, “Hi, Frank. I’m looking for a book to waste time on a plane? We’re going to be traveling overseas.” Frank was kind of surprised that Mikey remembered his name, but he figured maybe Mikey was one of those people who never forgot a face.
Getting up from his desk, Frank smiled and said, “I’ve seen that those bass videos have worked out for you. Congratulations.”
A slight blush spread across Mikey’s cheeks and he ducked his head. He ran a hand across the back of his neck and sheepishly said, “Yeah, yeah, they did. Thanks for that, by the way. They were totally my bible for a couple months.”
“Hey, it’s my job. I was glad to help. Anyway, I‘ve heard your songs. You sound great. I really like “Headfirst for Halos” the best.”
“Thanks. That means a lot.” Mikey was rocking on his heels, smiling. He seemed a little embarrassed, but still thrilled. Frank could understand. It was a magical feeling having your music out there. Although his bands never made it big, he remembered the feeling of talking with a fan. And, huh. He guessed that was just what he was nowadays, a fan. It was odd to consider, but maybe not that unwelcome. He still loved music, just not all the politics of the music business and scene. Being just a fan was a lot easier in some respects.
Pondering what would be good plane reading; Frank started casing the shelves to see if anything struck his fancy. Over his shoulder he said, “And you know, you’re not supposed to take library books out of the state.”
“Well, I guess I can always go and buy the book you recommend. But I figure you would have a better idea than the bookstore clerks. They don’t know jack. I should know, I used to be one.”
“I thought you worked at the video store?”
Mikey beamed at him and Frank realized it was kind of weird to remember a small detail like that considering the prior conversation had happened months ago. Still, he couldn’t take back his words now and at least Mikey seemed pleased that Frank had remembered. Mikey said, “I worked at the bookstore before the video store.”
“You really got around, huh?” Frank didn’t realize what that sounded like until it left his mouth. Luckily Mikey laughed and winked at him. Kind of. His eye at least twitched as he smiled. Frank figured it was close enough.
“I have had a string of sucky, dead-end jobs.”
Frank replied, “Luckily, bass player is working out much better,” but he was a little distracted. His mind was still riffing off Mikey’s wish to waste time. He made his way to the fiction shelves, and picked up a small, slim volume with a dark cover and handed it to Mikey. “It doesn’t look like much, but it’s full of really engaging and thought-provoking vignettes. I figure that kind of format will work when traveling where you are interrupted a lot.”
Taking the book, Mikey flipped it back to front to check it out. “It seems really short.”
“Like I said, it’s the type of book where you savor each part and reflect on them.” Playing it casual, Frank asked, “But, what else do you like to read?” The graphic novel section had expanded from one row to four rows and Frank was eager to show Mikey. He just didn’t want it to appear like he had ordered what he thought Mikey would like.
Acting bashful, Mikey said, “Graphic novels, I guess. I’ve never been much of a reader, sorry to say.”
Frank said, “But you’re reading now, that’s all that matters. I have the second volume of Hellsing and the latest Hellblazer.” He bent over to pull the volumes from the bottom shelf, catching Mikey checking out his ass on the way up. He smirked and Mikey blushed, but Frank didn’t push it. He wasn’t interested in casual sex anymore, he wanted something serious, but he suspected that Mikey’s new life didn’t allow for anything more. Besides, one glance at Frank’s admittedly nice ass wasn’t exactly indicative of anything more than appreciation. Mikey was probably meeting celebrities. He didn’t need a librarian from Jersey.
Frank handed the novels over and Mikey put the three volumes into the crook of his elbow. He said, “Awesome! Thanks again. You’re my go-to guy. You’ve helped a lot.”
Now it was Frank’s turn for his face to flush. Trying to ignore the warmth at Mikey’s words, Frank patted Mikey’s shoulder and pushed him towards the circulation desk. “Patrons like you make the job fun. You can only hunt up the latest Nora Ephron so many times before you want to strangle someone.”
Mikey’s smile dimmed a bit and his glance went to the floor as he said, “Of course. Right. Books. That’s why I’m here.”
Tugging the books out of Mikey’s arms, Frank began checking them out. Nodding and biting his lip, Mikey took his books and hesitated at the counter. Wondering what Mikey was thinking, Frank said, “So, enjoy your trip and have fun playing.”
“Thanks. I will.” With one last look, Mikey headed out of the library and once he was out of sight, Frank banged his head on the counter. He muttered, “You are such a loser.” Sighing, he straightened up and looked around. No one seemed to have noticed his little breakdown, luckily.
He couldn’t help it if he always liked the unattainable ones.
P.S. Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood
Mikey continued to frequent the library; coming in as often as his schedule allowed. Frank knew this because he was becoming a creepy stalker who bookmarked the internet sites that detailed My Chemical Romance’s touring and recording schedule. He would feel worse about that, but Mikey seemed to look for Frank whenever he stopped by, and Frank hoped that meant that Mikey liked him as much as Frank liked Mikey. Or at least enough to be Frank’s friend.
Since the graphic novel section was still Mikey’s favorite, Frank ordered more and more, even when Mikey hadn’t been in for a while. They would have nice, long discussions about the literary worth of graphic novels versus more traditional fiction when Mikey stopped by to pick up the latest that Frank had ordered. Frank was forced to admit that expanding the graphic novel section of the library did increase the number of younger patrons who used the library and who he then could entice into reading regular books.
Once they started headlining their shows, Mikey gave him free tickets to their local concert in New Jersey. Frank had a blast; My Chemical Romance was quickly becoming one of his favorite bands. It was too bad how obviously Mikey was struggling with the crowds that My Chemical Romance was now attracting; Frank knew stage fright when he saw it, but Frank didn’t know of any cure or book to help with it. He congratulated Mikey after the show, but he had to leave before he could meet the other guys. He had to open the library in the morning and couldn’t stay out until all hours any more.
One day after a long absence, Mikey came into the library looking haggard and Frank wondered if he had finally snapped under the pressure. Months had passed, it wouldn’t be uncommon. Mikey shuffled around looking aged and worn thin. Feeling an unfamiliar pull, Frank went to Miss Gideon and said, “Watch the place for me? I’m taking my break.”
She gave a knowing look in Mikey’s direction, but simply nodded sympathetically.
Frank approached Mikey who was staring at the stacks looking lost. He asked, “What are you looking for today, Mikey?”
Mikey started at the sound of Frank’s voice, but then offered a tired smile. “Gerard is restless. I was hoping to find a book to take his mind off things.”
Seeing this as the perfect lead-in, Frank took hold of Mikey’s elbow and started leading him towards the door. “Join me for ice cream and you can tell me all about what Gerard likes.”
Mikey dragged his feet for a couple steps, but then he shrugged and let Frank escort him to the ice cream parlor that was half a block from the library. It was a small place with just two little round tables and four chairs, but it was mid-morning during the week so the place was empty except for the clerk.
Frank ordered rocky road with rainbow sprinkles and didn’t even mind when Mikey smiled behind his hand when the confection with glistening, rainbow-hued jimmies was handed to him. Mikey hemmed and hawed for long minutes and Frank wondered if he was too stressed to even choose ice cream. Mikey had never deliberated this way over books. Finally he ordered vanilla with chocolate sauce and now it was Frank’s turn to laugh.
Mikey said, “It’s a classic!”
Jostling Mikey with his elbow, Frank replied, “Yeah and it took you five minutes to default to it.”
Mikey scoffed but it turned into a hum of approval as he took the first spoonful of his sundae.
They sat down at one of the little tables by the window and Frank decided to start with the obvious, hoping to make Mikey relax by sticking to general topics. “What does Gerard like?”
Mikey took a big swallow of his ice cream and then swirled the spoon in what was left in his cup. “Well, music, obviously, but there’s nothing new out that he doesn’t already have.”
“You mentioned he was an artist?”
“Yeah, he does awesome comics. He’s been drawing since he was a little kid. I thought of getting him materials for that, but I would pick the wrong stuff. I wouldn’t even know where to start in an art store.”
“Thus, the library and me.” Frank nodded in understanding and took a heaping spoonful of his ice cream while he thought. After swallowing, he asked, “Does he like art books?”
“I guess.”
“I know a book has recently been published about painters of the American desert that looks good and I just bought a book on Japanese prints for the library that he might find interesting.”
Mikey grimaced. “Nothing to do with Japan right now, please.”
Curious, but knowing he had to tread lightly, Frank said, “Sounds like there is a story there.”
Mikey swirled his ice cream harder and stared intently at it. Finally he said quietly, “Gerard almost died. He just lost it on the plane to Japan. If Brian hadn’t been there for him, I don’t know what would have happened. He’s clean now, but it’s a struggle for him. He’s restless, as I said.”
Frank nodded while his heart went out to Mikey. Unable to hold back any longer, Frank asked, “And how are you holding up?”
Smiling self-deprecatingly, Mikey said, “I’m a little restless too.”
“So maybe we can find a book for you too.”
“Nothing serious. I’m really not in the mood. And nothing sappy-happy. I’ve been through too much.”
Now it was Frank’s turn to think. He scraped the last of his ice cream from the bottom of his cup and thought through all the fiction he had that was uplifting, but realistic. It was when he thought that Mikey probably needed to laugh more, that the perfect book came to him. He beamed at Mikey, who raised an eyebrow at the look.
“I have the perfect recommendation. It’s an older book, but it really taps into what a rough time feels like without being maudlin or preachy. It’s a comedy, even.”
“That does sound good. But what about Gerard?”
“He must like more than music and comics. What else can you think of? Does he like cooking?”
Mikey laughed. “Gerard is so not a cook. I guess, well maybe, ponchos. He also likes ponchos.”
It was a struggle, but Frank kept a straight face. “Ponchos, really?”
Shrugging, Mikey fondly said, “He’s a bit of an oddball.” It was obvious Mikey thought that was the best thing in the universe.
All Frank could picture were the patterned ponchos that his grandmother would knit for her grandkids. Frank had avoided them like the plague, but that thought gave him a brilliant, funny idea. “How about a book about learning to knit? All the hipsters are doing it these days.”
Mikey looked skeptical. “We’re not really the hipster type.”
“Yeah that’s why it would make him laugh.”
Now Mikey looked thoughtful. Frank grinned at him; he knew he was right. Mikey quirked his lips and then they were both chuckling.
Bed, Bed, Bed by They Might Be Giants
“I’m looking for a cool kid’s book?”
At the question, Frank turned around and a smile bloomed on his face. “Mikey! Long time, no see.” Frank almost moved to hug Mikey, he was so happy to see him again, but he remembered just in time that they didn’t have that kind of relationship. Mikey was just a patron. Sort of. Frank had heard that he had moved to California; it was no surprise it had been a while since Mikey had been to the library.
Mikey’s smile was as wide as Frank’s and they just stood there grinning at each other for long seconds. Before Frank could shake off the moment, Mikey said, “Sorry. I keep meaning to come by when I’m in town, but I’m here less and less these days.”
“I had heard that My Chem had decamped for sunnier, California weather.”
Grimacing, Mikey said, “Yeah, well, bad memories and a fresh start, you know?”
Thinking about what he had heard about Mikey and Gerard’s problems through the music grapevine and celebrity magazines, Frank gave an understanding nod. “There’s nothing wrong with a change of scene.”
Mikey nodded and brushed the bangs off his forehead. “It’s been good for us.”
“I’m glad to hear it. So, kid’s books?”
“A wife of a friend of mine is expecting.”
Leading the way to the Children’s Section, over his shoulder, Frank asked, “So what does your friend like?”
“Is that important?”
Straightening up some books that had been left by the bean bag chairs, Frank explained. “Well, if their kid is normal, they will demand their parents read the same stories over and over again or watch the same shows. It would be cool if the parent could like it, at least to start.”
Mikey fiddled with his bangs and tried to brush his hair behind his ears. It was obvious he was used to his longer haircut. It was cute. Mikey said, “Huh. I never thought of it that way. Well, he’s a bass player like me.”
“So maybe something musical?”
Mikey seemed to think about it. Finally he shook his head minutely. “Well, they’re just expecting now. I don’t think they’re ready for “Bass Lessons for Kids” yet.”
“No, not like that. I have a book about bedtimes that comes with a CD. It’s pretty rocking. It’s by They Might Be Giants.” Frank started searching through the shelves of the little kid’s books but they were disorganized so he couldn’t find the book easily. Unfortunately, because of funding cuts, they had to let go of their Children’s Librarian and the section was just never organized anymore.
“They Might Be Giants? Don’t they have that song about that Asian chick? They do kid’s books?”
“Yeah, “Anna Ng.” I think this is their first kid’s book, but it’s a lot of fun and really quirky.”
“Dude, I totally believe you. They Might Be Giants are great.” And Mikey did seem thrilled with the suggestion. Frank put back the volume he was holding and went around the corner of the shelving to check the other side. Finally he saw the book and said, “Found it!”
He handed it to Mikey to check out and watched as Mikey flipped through the pages. Mikey smiled at the artwork and ran his finger over some of the images. “It’s perfect. I knew you were the person to ask.”
Not thinking, Frank replied, “Missed me, huh?” He blushed then. Mikey came to the library for advice, not to flirt with Frank. Unfortunately for Frank, it was harder to have a casual hook-up or a flirtation when one was a librarian than when one was a musician. His thing with Mikey, if one could even call it a thing, was the most romance he had, most times. But so what if Frank had missed Mikey, that didn’t mean Mikey thought about Frank at all.
Still, Mikey smiled at him and muttered something. Frank didn’t really catch it and before he could ask about it, Mikey was clearly saying, “Hey, you want to go get lunch with me?”
Grimacing, Frank said, “That would be great, but I’m alone here. I don’t even have the freedom to go get a sandwich.”
Nodding and turning away, Mikey replied, “Okay. That’s cool. I just wanted to say thank you for all your help.”
“I appreciate it. Maybe another time?” Frank knew that Mikey was just being kind, but he really wanted to go anyway. He wouldn’t delude himself that it was a date, but his circle of friends had been growing smaller and smaller as everyone married off and had kids and had less time for friendships, and it would have been nice to talk to someone his own age again. Miss Gideon was sweet and their patrons were the best, but twenty-something guys just did not frequent the library.
“Sure. That would be great.”
Mikey handed the book back to Frank. “I’ll pick up my own copy at the bookstore or maybe order it online.”
“Sounds good.”
Giving a little wave, Mikey left the library and Frank sighed.
It was about an hour later when Frank smelled the most delicious odor. It was all melted cheese and herbs and toasted bread. His stomach grumbled, but he just frowned at it. It didn’t matter if he was hungry, food wasn’t allowed in the library. He poked his head out of the stacks to reprimand the patron when he saw who it was. In surprise, he asked, “Mikey?”
Mikey waved the bag he was holding at Frank. “You mentioned you didn’t have lunch.”
Stunned, Frank’s mouth dropped. Gathering his wits, he dumbly asked, “You brought me lunch?”
“Just a sandwich. I figure you can eat while I watch out for people.”
Finally coming out of paralysis, Frank moved forward and took the bag out of Mikey’s hand. Looking inside, he saw a wrapped pickle and the wrapped sandwich. His stomach growled again and Mikey laughed. “I guess the sandwich is a hit.”
A little choked up, Frank said, “Yeah.”
“So go eat and I’ll let you know if anyone comes in.”
“Are you sure you have time for this?” Frank was so overwhelmed by the gesture that he didn’t know how to express it. He wanted to hug Mikey tightly and maybe kiss him, but they didn’t have that kind of relationship.
Mikey just nodded and gave Frank a little push towards the door that said, “Employees Only.”
Frank finally came out of his stupor and walked towards the door, shooting backwards glances at Mikey who was always shooing him to go eat. So Frank went into the break room and spilled the food out of the bag. Removing it from its parchment wrapper, he took a large bite of the pickle and groaned. It was sharp and tart and crispy and perfect. He quickly unwrapped the sandwich and checked for meat. Luckily it was just the grilled cheese and as he took a bite he wondered if he had ever mentioned to Mikey that he was a vegetarian.
Shrugging, he decided it didn’t matter as long as he got delicious food out of it. Frank wolfed through his meal, partly because he was starving and partly so he wouldn’t keep Mikey waiting.
When he popped the last bite into his mouth, he cleaned up his mess and chewed on his way back to the public rooms. He found Mikey nodding along with Mrs. Franklin, who always came in on Wednesdays for her romance novels. She was apparently explaining the plot of the latest one she had read to Mikey, who caught sight of Frank and smiled gratefully. Feeling generous, Frank sidled up and asked, “How was The Sheik’s Revenge, Mrs. Franklin?”
“Oh! Mr. Iero, it was so good! Let me tell you all about it.” She then began her story and Frank took her elbow and led her towards the armchairs so she could sit and wouldn’t get too tired. Mikey nodded at him and Frank mouthed the words, “Thank you.”
Mikey beamed at him and with a final wave headed back out. Frank was sorry they didn’t get a chance to talk, but Mrs. Franklin was a force to be reckoned with and loved the sound of her own voice.
Still, he was much more tolerant of her foibles today since he had a full stomach and the warm feeling that Mikey’s gesture left in him.
How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace: The Smart Guide to Flirting by Susan Rabin and Barbara Lagowski
It was only a couple days later when Mikey showed up again, near closing time of the library. Frank saw him immediately and got up from his desk to go say thank you. When Mikey caught sight of Frank, he smiled broadly but then put his hand in front of his mouth. Frank said, “So thank you again for the sandwich. It totally hit the spot. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.”
Mikey nodded. “I liked doing it.”
Frank asked, “So what can I get you today, Mikey? I doubt you came back on Mrs. Franklin’s recommendation of The Sheik’s Revenge.”
Mikey giggled and shook his head. He seemed nervous and was silently biting his lip before he blurted out, “Do you have any books on flirting?”
Frank laughed, but then saw that Mikey was apparently serious. Tilting his head, he asked, “Flirting, really?”
“Well, there’s this guy who I’ve been flirting with forever, but he doesn’t seem to realize it. I must be doing something wrong.”
Frank’s heart plummeted. Of course Mikey was interested in someone. He was Mikey Way: scene queen and rockstar. He started to turn away to hide his face, knowing it was showing too much, but then he noticed the intense way Mikey was staring at him and his heart sped up instead. Could he have been completely blind all this time? At a loss, Frank asked, “Mikey?”
“Okay, I know I’m not really a catch and this really isn’t the place, but would you like to go out sometime?”
There was a gasp from the side of the room and Frank and Mikey turned to see Miss Gideon whose eyes were huge and hands were clasped in front of her mouth. She blushed and coughed and turned away, but Frank wasn’t under any illusion that she wasn’t still hanging on every word. But the good thing about the interruption was that it gave Frank time to catch up with the conversation. Left to his own devices, he would have gaped at Mikey like an unattractive fish.
Reaching out to touch Mikey’s forearm, Frank gathered his thoughts. “First of all, whoever told you that you weren’t a catch was an asshole. Secondly, your visits have been the highlight of my day for years now.”
“Years? And you didn’t say anything?”
Mikey was grinning so Frank knew he wasn’t serious, but he felt the need to explain. “It was obvious you were meant for greater things than some New Jersey librarian. And, shit. You live in California. Mikey, how are we going to make this work?” Frank could hear the pleading in his voice. He hoped Mikey had an answer because Mikey asking for a book on flirting was turning out to be the best thing to happen to Frank in years and he would hate to lose it just as quickly.
“We’re taking a break before starting work on the new album. I thought I would spend it in New Jersey. See the folks and hang out, you know.”
Frank was smiling uncontrollably now, but still asked, “And after that?”
“And after that we decide what to do together.” Mikey hesitantly reached over and took Frank’s other hand in his. “Is that okay?”
“That is more than okay. That is stupendous.” Frank squeezed Mikey’s hand and shuffled closer.
Smiling shyly, Mikey said, “You still haven’t answered my question.”
“Yes. I’d love to go out with you.”
Before Mikey could respond, Miss Gideon coughed again. They turned and she said, “I can close up for you, Mr. Iero.”
Frank nodded. “Thanks, Miss Gideon. That would be helpful.” She beamed at both of them and then wiped at one eye with a handkerchief.
Mikey tugged Frank towards the door. “Do you need to get anything?” Letting go of Mikey’s hand, Frank checked his pockets for his keys and wallet, but luckily they were there. He shook his head and Mikey dragged him out of the door, happy and smiling.
They ended up going to the Indian place around the corner. The food there was delicious and it tended to be quiet mid-week, so they could talk easily. And talk they did. They easily fell into the rhythms of their previous discussions, touching on books, comics, music, and the New Jersey nightlife. For Frank, it was the perfect first date. They knew each other well enough to avoid the first date jitters, but weren’t so familiar that the stories they exchanged were stale or repeats. Mikey didn’t even know how Frank had become a librarian.
Placing his palm over his face, Frank asked, “I never told you that story?”
Mikey shook his head and leaned his chin into his cupped hand. “There’s a story?”
Frank laughed. “Well, not a long story, but a funny one.”
“Do tell,” Mikey said with a fond smile and a steady gaze at Frank.
“It all started with Jamia, my best friend. She likes chick flicks and I indulge her.”
“Don’t front. I bet you secretly love Meg Ryan.”
“Ryan Reynolds is more my style, but I’ll admit to enjoying them every now and then. Even guys can be romantic.”
With an understanding nod, Mikey said “Of course.” But he then ruined it by coughing the words “pansy” into his hand.
After kicking Mikey’s foot under the table, Frank grinned his shark-grin and replied, “I’m out and proud, what can I say.”
The humor fell from Mikey’s face and he leaned forward intently. “And I really love that about you. You’re the most inspiring person I know.”
Blinking at the conversation turn, Frank blushed lightly. At a loss, all he could think to say was, “Thanks. You’re totally my hero too. I know what you’ve dealt with over the years and you always came out stronger and better.”
Now they both blushed and turned their heads away. Mikey recovered first and said, “So, chick flicks.”
“Right! So Jamia hunts up all these old flicks and makes me watch them. I have seen way too many Meg Ryan films, but this one starred Parker Posey.”
“I have no idea who that is.”
“She was in Boston Legal? Anyway, it doesn’t matter if you know her. What is important is that she was the star of a little film called “Party Girl” which was the love affair between Parker Posey’s party girl character and becoming a librarian. Oh, there was a guy too, but that was secondary.”
“I don’t get it.”
“It’s simple. It was the end of college, I was high all the time and my band had just broken up. I always dreamed of being a rockstar, but it just wasn’t working for me. It wouldn’t gel for me the way it did for you and My Chem. Jamia made me stay in and watch movies with her and this film spoke to me. Maybe I couldn’t be a party guy all my life, but I could find something else to be passionate about, like libraries and reading and providing access to the community to those things.”
Mikey wiped a fake tear from his eyes. “That’s so moving, man.”
Frank laughed and kicked Mikey under the table again. “Shut up, you.”
They both laughed and then the conversation turned to Mikey’s string of dead-end jobs and what his dreams were when he was young. Listening to him, Frank was awash in nostalgia and also fondness. Mikey was living out not only his dreams but also Frank’s dreams, and Frank was finding he wasn’t jealous at all. In some ways he felt that if it couldn’t happen to him, he was glad it had happened for Mikey who had apparently been just as lost and confused when he was younger as Frank had been.
After dinner they walked back to their cars, their hands brushing against each other, although Frank never got up the courage to hold Mikey’s hand outright. Maybe on the second date.
At Mikey’s car, Mikey apologetically said, “So, I’m staying with my parents.”
Feeling bold, Frank crowded Mikey against the door of his car, gripping Mikey’s hips lightly. “I, on the other hand, have my own apartment.”
Mikey nuzzled his nose against Frank’s cheek. “Is that an invitation?”
“Definitely.” Unable to resist a second longer, Frank tilted his head to brush his mouth against Mikey’s. Humming in appreciation, Mikey lifted one hand to cup Frank’s jaw and opened his mouth. Taking that as an invitation, Frank let his tongue slide into Mikey’s mouth easy and slow.
They made out leisurely for long minutes, Frank rubbing circles into Mikey’s hips while Mikey’s hand was warm and solid on Frank’s face. Finally Mikey pulled back slowly, easing the kiss until they were again nuzzling each other.
Mikey said, “So, your place?” Breathless, Frank nodded. Mikey, thankfully, gave him a couple more minutes to compose himself before asking, “Should I leave my car here or follow you?”
“I have parking. You can follow me.”
Sneaking another kiss, Mikey whispered, “Cool,” against Frank’s lips. Unable to resist the invitation, Frank kissed Mikey ardently and then they were making out again.
Mikey was making these little murmuring noises that were driving Frank wild, but he tried to remember that they were standing outside and not alone in his apartment. With a long groan, Frank broke the kiss and said, “Okay. We’re going now. Before I end up going down on you here and getting us arrested.”
Biting his lip, making the lowest moaning sound possible, Mikey said, “You sweet talker, you.”
Then they were both giggling again and Frank was pushing away from Mikey. He pointed towards his car and said, “Follow me. I’ll show you sweet talking. And sweet other things.”
Mikey said, “So cheesy,” but he was grinning wide and pulling his car keys from his pocket. Frank grinned back and walked backwards for a couple steps before turning and racing to his car. He made sure Mikey was following him and then pulled into traffic. He was so excited he wanted to dance and jump and leap. He settled for turning up the radio and singing along as loudly as he could.
Frank felt like he was on the precipice of something epic. It was like “Party Girl” all over again. He felt like his life was going to change drastically, even if he didn’t know how, but it was definitely going to be for the better. He couldn’t wait.
EPILOGUE
The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Frank was humming loudly. He knew he was annoying Miss Gideon, who probably wanted to stab him with her knitting needle from the way she was holding it in her fist, but he couldn’t seem to stop for more than a second. Once his attention was diverted from not humming, he would start up again. He was just too happy.
Mikey had spent the night and it had been as fantastic as Frank had imagined it to be. It wasn’t just about the sex either. It was about the connection and peace he felt when he was with Mikey. It was like calm descended deep in his chest just being in the same room as Mikey. And thinking of that got him humming again.
That was probably why he didn’t notice the patron until they were right in front of him. Jumping back in surprise he was about to chuckle and make a small comment when he saw their face clearly. Shit. It was Gerard Way.
Smoothing down his sweater, he coughed and then in a slightly squeaky voice said, “Er, hi?” He would forever blame the surprise on making him so inarticulate.
Gerard glared silently for another second before leaning forward and poking his finger into Frank’s chest. “Just because I’m in California, don’t think I’m not watching out for Mikey.”
Frank started to say, “I would never-” but Gerard interrupted him. And poked him in the chest again, which actually kind of hurt. Ouch, motherfucker.
“You may think you’re all that with your tattoos, cardigans, and your damn books, but I’m on to you.” Gerard waved wildly around as if to indicate the whole library and Frank was left gaping at him.
Trying again, Frank got out, “I’m not-” before Gerard was ranting again.
“I know Mikey can take care of himself, he’s one of the strongest people I know, but he’s really happy right now and I won’t let you ruin that. So just, beware. I have eyes on you.”
Frank waited a beat to see if Gerard was finally done. And then he waited another second just to be sure, but Gerard just crossed his arms and straightened his back, giving him a scant few inches over Frank.
Words flitted through his brain and Frank tried to find the perfect thing to say. He wanted Gerard to like him, for Mikey’s benefit. He wanted to say that he would never hurt Mikey, that he thought Mikey was amazing too, or that Mikey was the best thing to happen to him since getting his library degree. In the end, unable to express all his thoughts, he threw himself at Gerard and wrapped his arms around him. Ignoring Gerard’s squeak of surprise and flailing, Frank whispered, “I’ll take good care of him. I promise.”
And then he didn’t let go until Gerard unstiffened and began awkwardly patting him on the back, saying, “Okay, really, I believe you. You can let go now.” Frank pulled back and straightened his cardigan again. Gerard was blushing, but seemed happier. He looked around the library again, this time with more consideration. He asked, “So do you have any post-apocalypse, maybe dystopian books?”
Thinking of his own reading favorites as well as the classics like “A Clockwork Orange” and “1984” and more recent ones like “Never Let Me Go” or “Battle Royale,” Frank grinned and said, “I have the perfect book for that.”
This entry was originally posted at http://sperrywink.dreamwidth.org/130326.html.
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Date: 2011-12-01 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 11:35 pm (UTC)I love stories with the famous/not-famous set-up too. They are so much fun.
Thanks for commenting. ♥
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Date: 2011-12-01 05:59 am (UTC)And it's just as amazing now. A new favourite story for sure &heaarts;
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Date: 2011-12-01 11:36 pm (UTC)Awww, thank you. It makes me happy to know you enjoyed it.
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Date: 2011-12-01 12:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 11:36 pm (UTC)I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Date: 2011-12-01 11:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-01 11:38 pm (UTC)Librarian Power, for sure!!
Thank you!
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Date: 2011-12-02 10:17 am (UTC)*chin hands*
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Date: 2011-12-02 12:37 pm (UTC)I'm glad that line worked for you!
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Date: 2011-12-02 10:23 am (UTC)both of them so oblivious, oh it was adorable. and i love the image of frank the librarian :D
<3
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Date: 2011-12-02 12:38 pm (UTC)Frank the librarian would be so awesome in real life.
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Date: 2011-12-02 10:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-02 12:38 pm (UTC)(I hope I did librarians justice!)
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Date: 2011-12-04 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-04 12:59 pm (UTC)Party Girl was awesome!